I have taken a break for a few days. I feel as if I have been moving from the darkest moment of night to the earliest moment of dawn. The extreme trauma is lessening, the deepest grief of enormous loss is beginning to lift. An ending of a chapter that was filled with joy as well as extraordinary sorrow. I had been wondering, perhaps for a few months when this chapter would come to an end. I never expected the enormity of the trauma that would mark the end of this life phase. My house has been totally demolished. Officially, my home is a construction site. The beginning.... I don't mean to sound morose. This passage has only been possible with the unending love, immense support; labor, financial contributions, and the emotional truth that we will not be abandoned.
I feel more like me. Although, my brain frequently feels a little lost, no rhythm to my life as of yet. Lots of details, building a new house after destruction, a career that had to take a sabbatical, a diet not as clean as I would like, ( a hotel room with a baby fridge and a microwave). and the desire to have a closer relationship with red wine. This beginning will take shape with time, work, many decisions. The heartbeat of the unknown. Trust, patience, love and connection fuel me through this unchartered territory. Never go alone is my mantra. Gratitude that this is my reality.
One thing is for sure, I will be the most glamorous homeless person you will ever meet. 😎