It has been several days since I have written about my journey back from my traumatic loss and constant transformation. It is as unpredictable as a natural disaster. Friday, I had a day so filled with sadness, that I decided that the most respectful way to exist was to just cry and not explain. Once again, I realized that tears are a language of the heart and soul, words are irrelevant. It was the aggressive driver, the fear of losing my phone, ( fear is often, so far phone hasn't left the vortex of my handbag ), hearing about another storm and then the acutely painful realization that I have lost all of my Christmas ornaments. I staunchly oppose designer Christmas trees. My tree, just like my house was about the exquisite stories, and memories from places we visited, artist created pieces to grace a tree, and then baby's first Christmas and preschool felt cutouts for my kids little faces. How do you handle such a heartless destruction of what represents family, love and life. Mine...you cry and feel totally cool about it. It is no one's fault it hurts and it can't be fixed. A pet dying....no words. Then, I was stuck by the awesome comfort of what is real and amazing and becomes stronger everyday. Family, friends, boundless love, kindness and generosity, That sweetness that brings nourishment to our deepest heart/soul place. I am learning that I can face my loss of what is way more than just things and feel the joy of lovingkindnessgenerosityheartconnection all at the same time.
Today, my friend Rebecca gave me collected money from her mom and her friends. They live in Iowa. On Sunday, my friend Renata gave me her Red Cross allowance, which I was somehow denied. On Saturday, in thirty minutes, I watched Krista and Danny put together a table and chairs for us. And...the set was from IKEA. Who can do that?? My daughter and her husband can, ( said very proudly ).
This picture is of 2 trees made of wire by an artist in Buenos Aires. We were in the original neighborhood of the city where artists sell their work. Sunny and cool and colorful and talented. The artist gave me an extra small tree as a gift. I gave that little tree to my most precious friend, Celeste. Now she is part of the story too.
