Today was a simpler day. I decided to do what would be considered a more typical day in the life ....banking, food shopping, yoga, a few phone calls. There was even a disappointment without resolution. I am a believer in living a day at a time, being in the moment. It is so great to have philosophical aspirations, but, it is so easy to go way off track. My mind no longer runs lists in my head or expresses self criticism in between thoughts. I worked hard to arrive at this intellectual/emotional state. Today, I found myself floating between the world streaming at its usual pace, me looking like I was a part of it. I am caught between the business of the day, the disbelief that I have lost the security that we created and not knowing any part of this beginning of my future. When so many pieces fall apart at the same time, the mosaic is broken. A new stained glass window has to be created, a whole new design.

I then remembered one of my strongest beliefs. The ONLY guarantee we have is in our relationship with our self. No matter what happens, I won't abandon myself. That means no terrorizing thoughts...projecting worst case scenarios. No calling myself inadequate in any way. Mistakes are human, meant for us to learn not blame. It is brave to be authentic, vulnerable, cry tears of pain or joy, get frustrated, ask for help. That is how we create a loving relationship with our self in the moment, then we can connect heart to heart with chosen friends. This is how I know I am meant to live in the moment.